#16 L.A.B.I.L.

Baru kemaren aku ngepos tentang ke galauanku, well yeah sekarang rupanya sudah berubah pikiran.


It's not like she done something very special.
But, I just realize something.
Before Is say it, this post will be very short. Compared to the previous posts.



Here, I just wanna say.

It doesnt matter if I was broken heart or what. If I only think how to heal it, it can't.

Why? Because I only think about it, no action.

Thus, mind will affect the body.


"Happiness is the best cure for all sick."
- The girl with the name of sea.


If I lose her now it doesn't matter.
I only need to prove my self worthed, and steal her heart back.

Well, after this realistic shit and whatsoever I rather being reckless and optimistic person.
I will learn harder, I will prove to myself  I'm worth living

#15 Third Heartache

I feel the same strange feeling..
Again..
Not something good I think.


Ya panjang cerita dan singkat ceritanya aku udah move-on dari si Cewek sebelumnya.

Didn't excpect I can fall in love again.
It's actually fun, I have lots of memories with her and so and so.

Started at 18 December 2015.
Celebrating New Year together, even in the 1st January we both fall asleep but we can stay the night in the next day.

Now we progressing much.

I just can't handle the stress tbh.
I said something weird...
I ask her if I was overprotective or what, she said it's okay, she doesn't feel that.


Also I actually didn't being honest about I was beig very jealous with that someone named 'Double You'.

Dia bilang dia mau ngomong sesuatu, tapi dia bilang juga ga jadi. "Bukan saatnya" dia bilang begitu.

Well, of course. Aku maksa dia buat ngomong semua.

Dan dia ngomong kalo intinya "Kita udah terlalu jauh, dia ga nyaman kalo gitu, dia mau kalo ada jarak diantaa kita... Pembatas tepatnya, bukan jarak."


The same circumstances.
I've fallen for a girl -> Not brave enough to say it -> The girl the one who confess -> I fall harder -> She said we gone far -> End of everything

With the difference we don't really break up our relationship or what.
She still treat me the same.

But, that what makes me worried about.


I 'm so scared knowing that she can leave me anytime she want.
Leaving me with another big scar.

Even now I trust that she didn't meant to broke my heart.
Honestly she tears it apart.
Still bleeding.
The cut in my heart still bleeding.


I love her.
But, I can't even get off all this anxiety still.


Once I was ask her what would she feel if I dissapear from her life.
She said of course she will miss me, she said she would fell very bad, sad, lost me.

On another time, I ask her to not leave me.
But,she can't gave me the answer.



I want to trust that she still love me the same.
I want...
But honestly it's so hard, that I can't even resist it.

The first time she said she likes me.
She was only ask me.
She doesn't even know if she likes me, or she only got carried away.

This evening was so dark.
Like the sky want to go sleep.
So dark that I only barely see.
Like what in my heart now.
So dark, I don't know where to go, what to do.


My brain tell me a hundred reason to leave her.
But my heart just won't.
It's always this hard :"

I think I will just resist it until my birthday has come.
We was promised each other to give present in our respective birthday.


I have done mine.


Tbh I think that  she wouldn't give me one.
Also I don't think I can make our new year wish came true.
'Cause I think I'll just end it anyway.




Gonna switch back to him.
Fenrir Blues gonna took my body over for a while.

As me, I just want to thank her for this beautiful time.
I can't hold my tears tbh.
That's all.
I hope I can wake up someday and can remember all of the happiness she gives.